"Bawling, Blanket Forts, and Emotional Epiphanies"

"Have you ever felt tears well up unexpectedly, triggered by something as simple as a song lyric, a scent, or a fleeting memory?" Most recently, for me, it was a movie. 

The Turning Point

A couple of months ago, I was on a Red Eye flight from Bangkok to Delhi. I had wanted to watch the Thai Film “How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies”, but it was not available in India. Since it was available in Thailand, I wanted to capitalise on the opportunity to watch it, so I downloaded the movie on Netflix for the flight. But here was the thing: I watched a lot of the audience reaction videos of the movie, and all of them showed people sobbing their hearts out while watching the film. I was intrigued and wanted to watch it; however, I was not worried about crying because I was in a weird phase where I couldn't shed any tears. Nothing fazed me, not sad puppy videos, tearjerking and sentimental family Diwali Ads and not even those homecoming videos of people surprising their families after a long time. I thought I was doomed. (Having a LASIK surgery may or may not be a reason. The surgery probably made my tear ducts go dry, but did it make my amygdala go on vacation? I don’t think so). But the urge to watch the movie was greater. Armed with this knowledge that I was in the safe zone, I switched on the film after the flight went to sleep. 

The movie was beautiful, and I was surprisingly taking it well; there were no tears yet. And then, out of nowhere, two big fat tears squeezed out of my tear ducts. I didn't think anything of it at first, but when I realised that my amygdala and tear ducts had not abandoned me, I

Praised all that was holy and thanked the universe. However, I did not anticipate what would happen next. I was a slobbering mess. All of a sudden, so many things were happening at the same time; I didn't know whether to take care of my running nose or running tear ducts (honestly, at this point, my tear ducts had magically gotten the powers of the Akshaya Patra), or keep the sound of my bawling down to not scare my neighbours into getting up. It was a task at which I succeeded since no one suspected a thing when we landed in Delhi. All’s well that ends well. Now, since this episode, two things have happened. One is that I have fallen in love with slice-of-life, unstimulating art house movies, which I had considered oh so boring ( the younger me would not have been caught watching this movie), and second, I have not stopped crying since. It seemed I had broken the dam, and there was no way back. I had unlocked a hidden superpower—the ability to cry at virtually anything—and it came with no off-switch

An Exhaustive Guide to What Makes Me Sob

Now, I cry at everything. Cute cat videos? Tears. Sentimental ads? A flood. Birds chirping on

my balcony? Full-blown waterworks. I’ve even sobbed over my dying plant sprouting a new leaf. And don't even get me started about Instagram. If, like me, you have been infected by the doomsday scrolling syndrome, there is a high likelihood that you would have stumbled upon “that corner of the internet’ where people post edits of movie clips with the most heartbreaking Hindi songs known to a human. For me, my “For You Page” is full of edits of East Asian movies with the most devastating and heartbreaking Hindi songs as background. (Firstly, “We Listen, and We don't judge”. For the uninitiated, it’s a new trend on Instagram where people confess to the most outrageous things they have done and then say, “We listen, and We don't judge”. Secondly, I want to meet the creators of these video edits and ask them how they develop their videos' concepts and songs. It's worth appreciating them. They deserve all the Oscars, Golden Globes and the Filmfare awards). I watch these videos, and I cry. I don't think “cry” is even the correct verb; “Bawl/weep” is the right word for my actions. My parents and sister were initially concerned and questioned my sanity, but have since realised that I couldn't be helped and got on with their lives. In my defence, I would like to state that my shenanigans provide the spice in their otherwise retired lives. However, my sister might argue that her share of the spice is more significant than mine.

The Crying Marathon Chronicles

Since this has become my new normal, I've embraced it. The other day, I felt an overwhelming urge to watch tear-jerking movies and let my emotions flow freely. Luckily, my sister was away, and I had the house myself. The universe seemed to be in cahoots with me, as it was a dreary, cold, wet winter day: perfect for the waterworks. So I built a fortress of blankets, prepared my water bottles (Hydration is key when you're crying, and I'm nothing if not pragmatic), got some food ready, armed myself with a few handkerchiefs and readied myself for a marathon crying session. Here is what made it to my crying marathon lineup:

1. Reply 1988 - A slice-of-life Korean Drama about childhood friendships and families. (My comfort drama and what I watch when I crave a warm hug)

2. Silenced - A gritty and haunting Korean tale based on a true story ( By the end of the drama, I was so angry and triggered at the world)

3. Lighting up the Stars - A Chinese movie about a Mortician and his daughter (It is so colourful and beautiful and conveys the message that sometimes, family is found, not born into)

4. Nice View - Chinese drama about the trials of two young siblings ( I was gutted watching this movie but also realised that there are some wonderful souls out there)

5. How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies - A Thai Movie about a Grandma and her Grandson (This movie made me miss my Ammamma so much. Grandparents embody love. If your grandparents are around, give them a big hug and smother them with the love they deserve)

"Watching slice-of-life dramas like Reply 1988 and films like Lighting up the Stars reminded me how universal emotions are—people everywhere navigate love, loss, and relationships, no matter their culture. By the time I finished watching “Lighting Up the Stars”, the three hankies I had gotten were soaking wet with my tears, so I took a break. I was also very curious about why I could watch sad movies from other countries but not from my own. After some Googling, I discovered that watching movies from my own country hit too close to home.  Their pain, cultural nuances and the complexity of their challenges resonate deeply, making it too emotionally hard for me to handle. In contrast, foreign movies allowed me to experience emotions at a distance, like watching a beautifully told story without being triggered by my realities. “This distinction makes them a safe space for catharsis without crossing into anxiety or despair.” (According to my therapist - ChatGPT). Somewhat mollified but pushing it aside to think more about it later, I returned to the task. Quickly replenishing my water, food and hankie supplies, I return to my marathon.

When I was watching “Nice View”, just as the protagonist had hit rock bottom, I glanced in the mirror by chance. To say I was shocked was an understatement. Let me describe the

scene for you: My hair was standing like spikes (Like I was electrocuted), my eyes were swollen, and my face was red. It was a sight to behold. ( I resembled the Grinch from “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, only I was red instead of green, had more hair than him and was crying instead of being grumpy. I don’t have a photo for you; you can use your imagination). It was also at this moment that my mother chose to call me. My amma, unfazed by my shenanigans, listened patiently as I recounted my day before casually telling her I needed to resume my crying session. To her credit, she took it well (although I know that after her call, she would have wondered where she went wrong with me). I returned to the movie crying as if there was no break in between. By the time I finished watching “How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies”, I was drained and worn out but unusually light and fell asleep looking like the Grinch. 

Reflections of an Expert Weeper

I thought I was all cried out after that day, but silly me, I forgot that when it rains, it's always cats and dogs. I still cry at the drop of a hat and keep discovering new things to cry about. This week, I cried while reading. I wept and wailed while reading Mandodari by Koral Dasgupta. (I recommend this book about the lesser-known Character, Mandodari, the Queen of Lanka, in The Ramayana.)  I am constantly surprised and impressed by my ability to cry.

Ergo, here are the burning questions: Why am I so emotional these days? Did my Amygdala

come back home re-energised after a break and on steroids? Why do I feel every thought, emotion, and idea so profoundly? Is it because I have slowed down and have some time to think now that I refuse to hustle? Is it because, on turning 30, I have started to question life and death and the purpose of life, or is it because I am looking at life from a completely different lens and growing more anxious, stressed and discontent about the state of society? Unfortunately, I don't have an answer to anything(If I had, I wouldn't be sitting and crying watching dog videos). What I do know is that each day, I discover new emotions and newer nuances, feel emotions more deeply, question more frequently, and try to find the purpose of my life going forward. I know that I am incredibly grateful for my family and my friends and their love for me. I am thankful for all the privileges that, more often than not, I take for granted.

I recently watched a Japanese movie in the theatre called “All the Long Nights.” It was slow, with simple yet charming characters and a profoundly beautiful message. It was unpretentious yet moving, and you guessed it right: I wept throughout the film. I might have earned crazy looks, but I was just grateful to be able to feel and appreciate the message of the movie.

Why I cry and Why you should too!

Crying is underrated. It has been reduced to a restrictive and one-dimensional meaning of weakness or sadness, but it is much more.  It is cathartic, cleansing and deeply human. Tears aren't just about sadness; they are a language of their own. And if a good crying session comes with the bonus of glowing skin, who could say no? So the next team you feel overwhelmed, don’t hold back. Let the tears flow. Who knows what you might discover about yourself - just as I did! 

So, to answer my question from the beginning of the post, yes, I’ve felt those unexpected tears triggered by more than just a fleeting memory. It’s made me realise that crying isn’t a weakness but a gift—a reminder that I’m alive, connected, and capable of feeling deeply.